why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
