I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
