I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
