no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm both gender and math confused
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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