I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
