i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
