if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
