I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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