i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
This is the high leading the old right now
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Randomize
