this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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