I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
