Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
