Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
