What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
