I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
