oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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