they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
