is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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