upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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