I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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