Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
