I am in a vortex of obligation.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
