well I can't set my house on fire every night
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
