mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
