and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
