sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
