the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
