I feel great
I just peed on a car
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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