I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
