The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
this beer tastes like vomit already
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
