i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
