And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
