He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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