How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
