you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
