My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
