Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
We smell like vodka and hangover
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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