Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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