My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
