I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
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