genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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