get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
