the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
