She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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