Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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