The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
