Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
