True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
