no, he came in my armpit
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
