so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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