We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
